Malc's Defrag
This is my "blog" page.
It will never be up to date! But you may enjoy seeing my brain defrag!
It's intended for friends only to see.
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This is went out as an email to a number of folk
who we knew wouldl be concerned to pick up some of it in prayer.
Circumstances have come together to make the present few weeks quite pressured
and stressful.
I came home today after the morning prayer meeting at Greyfriars and somehow
felt I'd "hit a wall". Totally shattered.
Lay down for a while and woke up with a stiff neck! Doh! Long day yesterday
didn't help but ........
FAMILY
Penny's mum and dad effectively cut off communications with Penny and her
brother recently.
Essentially hurts going back years involving church.
They are now unbelievers and see our faith as coming between us.
(Ongoing)
BOILER ROOM
Goes without saying really. No building. Penny working outside with the local
young people. Keeping it together. Staying focussed. Maintaining faith and hope.
Loads of documentation to work on. Would be able to have a building very
quickly, by the way, if a £50,000 per
year miracle was forthcoming. It's finding somewhere free or cheap that is the
miracle we are hoping for!
( Ongoing)
FAITH (As in the Charity I am a Trustee of)
Expansion. Struggling to set boundaries and manage all that is going on. Working
with addicts and homeless - all sorts of health and safety issues.
Many hours being spent. ( Should ease fairly soon )
RUSHALL - Junction 12 Youth Camp
Not many people seem to know that I am the buck-stop for all things pastoral at
Rushall.
I am delighted to be part of the core team and thrive on meeting with the young
leaders that head this up.
Rushall is one of the most exciting things God is doing in Reading year on year.
It is perhaps the finest example of the whole Church pulling and moving as one.
A joy. BUT it takes time and takes its toll.
Please pray as we step out to run a very different type of Christian camp ( week
after next )
Pray for the 60 plus young leaders.
We do not have a hugely structured prayer cover this year, as we have had
before, which concerns me a lot.
Pray for the 70ish "unchurched" youth and the similar number of
"churched" yp's.
(Will pass in two weeks!)
"CALLING ALL NATIONS"
We have been very privileged to be invited onto the core prayer team for the
BERLIN prayer/worship event next June being headed up by Noel Richards. This has
been years in the planning. Check out the website. Wonderful to be involved, but
a huge spiritual battle engaged.
And, yes, I know what you're thinking "Malc, its a Stadium event! - (it
even has the word CALL in it!)"
http://www.callingallnations.com/
(Year to go and increasing)
ILLNESS
Close friend being hit by cancer. Seems caught in time and a positive prognosis,
but nevertheless another "God what are you doing?" situation.
(Pray for health from here on)
FOSTERING
This isn't a problem. Maybe a challenge, but mainly a blessing. This becomes our
main income. Not only does it fund us to do stuff it is a ministry in
its own right if only to one young person at a time. Pray for Amy. 12 years old
going on 17!
BRAIN AND EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD
i.e. all of the above
I must finish by saying that I am sure Penny and I would have gone under ages
ago if it wasn't for the fact that someone out there is praying
persistently and consistently on our behalf with the rest of you throwing in a
barrage of prayer, a little here and a little there, all adding together to
create a shield. Please don't stop.
Blessings,
Malc
December 2004
This has been written retrospectively, however late November / December had to have been some of the worst weeks of our lives.
Indeed from the summer of 2004 life
Ireland
My thoughts currently are centred a lot on Ireland. I've just watched the film "Michael Collins". Not light viewing. Difficult to know how historically accurate it is. But recommended viewing. By contrast last night I watched "Everlasting Piece" which is about two guys selling wigs during the troubles - I think set in the late seventies. Quite funny, especially when the IRA stop them at gunpoint on a country road and end up ordering 30 wigs! More seriously I have bought the DVD of "Bloody Sunday", but will have to find a time when Penny isn't around to watch it. She didn't even want to watch "Michael Collins". She hates violent films when they are about real events.
Popped into the Boiler Room for the first time last Thursday, after two attempts when they were closed. Looking very nice. They've done a lot in a short time. It wasn't easy though. Strange mix of emotions. I so miss the Forbury Vaults and miss being involved. Lots of spare time on my hands these days with nothing much to do.
Evening News quote from the Opposition Defence Minister, referring to the need not to scrap Regiments of the British Army,
"The Northern Ireland situation is not sorted out yet" ( Understatement of the decade?)
April 16th
Repair Shops and Insurance Companies
A second entry within a week! Well I'm impressed even if you aren't. Becky had a very minor car accident recently - just a bump - but they've written the car off. What an age we live in that we dispose of things that easily. Why do repair shops exist I wonder?
Girls! Don't use Diamond - or if you must
Don't pay them a year up front - the premium is non-refundable.
They haven't paid for the car alarm; they were funny about us removing the radio; they've highly undervalued.
Great day yesterday (Friday) in Portsmouth.
So good to meet up with friends. Such a significant day for the Kingdom and Europe.
My personal revelation of the day was a sense of "if I can't keep doing this stuff I'll die".
Praying into the big issues that face church, country and continent is what keeps me going.
Really disappointed that I couldn't go again today. Domestic responsibilities over-ruled.
April 17th
Target Europe
Having become really frustrated yesterday (Sat) that I was unable to go back to Portsmouth, Penny suggested that I went for the final morning. So glad I did.
All in all I have come away incredibly encouraged.
Firstly because of the whole "If I can't keep doing this ...." thing
Secondly because of hearing that we are not to worry about finances
Yes there's a frustration that I can't just go flying of to Quebec for the French/English reconciliation event at the end of July
But Sally Ann, bless her, pointed out that the financial restriction forces me to rely on God and it makes me have to really know before I go
Thirdly, fourthly fifthly (!) :) Sunday morning contained a lot of references to Fathers and Mothers; not looking back; working outside old models of church; etc, etc.
Important to connect with Ireland once again
Wonderful to be together with so many French and Swiss
Related links www.inthemiddle.me.uk/europe.html
Before moving on I need to make a vital observation. When we speak of God's desire to see the Continent of Europe in Unity, that is not a political statement. Babylon tells us what happens when men try to unite! No this is about the Kingdom of God coming to Europe so that just as the body itself has many members which rely on each other but are not the same in nature or function. So we come to a point where we value each other's giftings and characteristics. Not homogeneity, which would be man's way, but rich diversity. It is though about "the hand being concerned for the foot" since without it the hand cannot get from A to B, similarly "the feet needing the eyes".
So it isn't about the Irish becoming like the English (thank God!) or the French becoming German.
It IS about my seeing that the Irish, the French, the Germans, etc. have traits that I do not have and that I need so that I may be complimented.
It is also about valuing differences, even when they seem to aggravate rather than compliment. "Iron sharpens iron".
I am deeply committed to seeing the Body of Christ in the nations of Europe discover and rise up into the good of what God has placed within them in gifting and calling.
("Vive la difference")
For me there are specific Nations which God has highlighted
First Ireland, without whom England lacks the prophetic voice, guidance, wisdom, direction and the ability to laugh at ourselves!
Second Germany, with whom there is a need to engage for the powerbase of prayer to launch mission
Third Sweden, without whom we cannot finish anything we start
Exile
However, the prophetic word which Martin Scott gave was about going into exile (Ezekiel 24:15).
I will briefly give my personal summary/interpretation. In Ezekiel, everything in Jerusalem was destroyed because of the "the pride of your power". We can easily see that same presumptuous pride which would leave God out of the equation within the political systems of Europe and with fear and trepidation anticipate terrible times ahead for our continent.
Can we so easily see it within the U.K. - i.e. is our pride so great that we are blinded? - This is the whole "Empire Spirit" problem that is deeply rooted in and by "Britannia". Britannia, Celtic Gods and Goddesses, Freemasonry
Furthermore is that pride entrenched in the church itself? So much so that we do not see that either. No matter whether we are Roman Catholic, Anglican, Baptist, New Church, G8 or whatever the pyramid structures of control and conformity over people vary in degree but are present.
At the continental level we may have sinned so much that God will have to bring judgement
Scripture says that judgement begins at the House of God
Bottom line is that's you and me, the living living stones that make it up
But of course its also the hierarchical structures that we call church and bow the knee to
Instead of a daily following of Jesus we have accepted something that looks like it
As "leaders" ( is that word in the New Testament?) instead of serving we demand obedience and compliance
Instead of providing Fathers we supply Teachers - its less time consuming
The Conference fell on the very weekend before the Cardinals began their deliberations for electing the next Pope.
The 'coincidence' was not missed.
For some observations from Martin Scott http://www.injesus.com/Groups/ViewMessage.cfm?MessageId=NB006YAE&GroupID=QB0062NM&UCD=3g1
New model of Church? There's a book I am supposed to write sometime Maybe I have to live it first Watch this space
Questions that are wearing thin! I hope you can cope with my humour!
11th May
So here I am heading towards the middle of May. Marshmallow land - do you know what I mean?
Can't seem to make progress. Lacking purpose.
A job might help. I don't know. Would be difficult for Penny if I had fixed hours. Couldn't travel either.
Feeling much as I did in the period leading up to leaving teaching. Depressed. Not coping. Everything's too much effort.
Much in common with Marvin! It all seems so good in theory, especially on a Sunday morning, but then Monday comes round again.
What is there to be cheerful about?
A murder and attempted murder half a mile from the house.
Nothing really seems to change, except for the worse!
But what to do?
Couldn't face going to the regular intercessors meeting this morning, so have stayed at home.
They can be irritatingly caught up with trivia at times or go off on strange tangents. Not for me to try to direct.
Will do the cross in town at lunchtime.
12th May
Walked to Prospect Park last night. So sad to see yet another shrine being built. Flowers, teddy bears, school ties, cards.
I was struck firstly that this is out in the open not hidden in the trees
Secondly by the fact that leading up the path to the spot where the girl's body was left is a newly planted avenue of saplings.
Each of the trees has a plaque. Each one has been sponsored by people in memory of a lost loved one, including a 21 year old.
Is there a connection?
How much occult activity has gone on on this "high place"?
Website of the moment http://www.rentagerman.de/ Go on - go on - go on - have a smile
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I find myself very caught up in 'me'.
My needs, my frustrations, my anger, my hurts, my grievances.
What a challenge!
But that's the bottom line.
Can I live for others?
JOY they used to sing was ......
Jesus first. Yourself last. Others in between!
Another 24-7 prayer week at the Boiler Room this week and I can't bring myself to go.
I tried. I rang to book a slot, but didn't get an answer.
I even drove round there last night. There were people there but I couldn't get an answer to the doorbell.
Came home again.
That's the fourth, no fifth attempt to go which has been thwarted.
What to make of that?
19th May
This is by way of a confession and an apology!
I commented publicly a week or so ago that I did not personally like the book "The Purpose Driven Life". I had been put off by the word "driven", which biblically speaks of what Satan does, whereas God "leads". Theologically I think I have a point.
I had tried to read the book and given up some months ago.
I was also put off by the fact that it was the latest craze.
Everyone was reading it. Whole congregations were being put through.
Click above for full picture
You know ------ first its ALPHA, then its "Freedom in Christ" now its "Porpoises".
The latest thing. The latest fix. This one will do it. This will sort us out.
In fact - the spirit of the age repackaged for the spiritual. ( Me? Cynical? Oh come now! )
HOWEVER, God took me to task and so I set about trying to read the book again.
SO here I am eating my words! It's good. ( Oh the shame! Oh the humiliation! Oh the degradation! )
Yes it's stuff which I should have grasped 30 years ago, but I found myself thinking
"This is just what Becky needs to read. As she's starting out on her walk with God it would be great to get the foundations right. Great to realise its not about effort, striving, church attendance, men-pleasing, 'doing the right thing' - simply about living to please God and enjoying him
Well blow me down with a feather! Isn't God good?!!!
I'm beginning to get quite edgy about how generous God is. What I mean is that every time he does something good for us we have less to impress him with. Like I'm banking on being able to justify my sin on the basis that I did try a lot of the time to do the right thing and grovel grovel, can I crawl into a corner of heaven please, I won't be any trouble!
Yeah right! But don't tell me you haven't felt like that!
Simple truth is if we started to try to weigh what we do for him against what he's done for us, its a no brainer!
So, in all our recent concerns over finance, questions over whether I should get a ob, etc. along comes an opportunity to do a respite foster for 10 days. A nice little earner as they say and today we get the "payslip". But then we open another envelope to discover a cheque, for a not insignificant amount. Wow! In fact it was money that someone had been given, which if I were them would probably have bought 'that new guitar', 'that new Hi-Fi', 'that new Camera' - or whatever.
I was really touched. It is a serious help and we are very very grateful.
Being given money does make one mindful of how one spends it and angry when money gets wasted or accidents happen that just suck resources into a whole. Recently it was suggested to us that we buy a video camera to record things which our foster children do. A record for them and also evidence of progress and behaviour. So yesterday, with some hesitation, I hunted round for a bargain on Ebay and ordered a camera (thinking of what else I'd rather have spent the money on - as you do - i.e. I'm desperate to get a decent Digital SLR for my photography as I much prefer still images) !
So this morning came as a double blessing, a confirmation that it was O K to have bought the camera.
Penny and I do still need your prayers day to day . . . . ..
as we stand with Sarah our foster daughter, especially with regard to her baby daughter
for finances ( don't we all! - but see above! )
for protection, of health, from attacks both physical and spiritual, from accidents
( our daughter Becky had a minor car accident recently which could have been worse )
God bless and cheers for reading ( apologies for the depressing bits! )
Had a great week away with my eldest daughter Becky, walking in the Highlands of Scotland.
July 8th
Yesterday's trauma in London still fresh in the mind. It is salutory in reminding one of just how fragile life is and also of how blessed we are with life and health. All this in the middle of the G8 conference at Gleneagles. For once I found myself agreeing with the words of George Bush when he spoke of them meeting to try to save lives whilst mindless terrorists only kill and destroy. It is a very clear picture of Light and Darkness in our world. I pray that the seriousness of what has just happened will concentrate the minds of the world leaders to lay aside personal agendas and think of the big picture. A chance to start real change in our world. An opportunity to redress the evil of the "Roman Ways" in western imperialism.
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Are we supposed to take these guys seriously? Got this off an Elijah List email |
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July 24th An insight into where we're at currently
To say that this has been an interesting week or so would be a gross understatement.
To say it has been a hard week or so comes nearer to it.
First on a really positive note, we had a lovely long weekend in Ifracombe with Kristy and Sarah. - see photo link
Penny's mum and dad
Penny went to visit her mum and dad in Guildford today. They are still refusing to have anything to do with her brother and his wife, nor do they wish to see me. Penny had such a hard time the last visit that I really didn't want her to go. We really want to see them restored to faith and restored in relationship to the whole family.
She had reasonable time with them considering they want to let off steam about how they feel and have no awareness that they may have contributed to the situation. I am off their radar! Sadly I don't really miss them, but it isn't right to be incommunicado.
Friends
Two of our very good friends have just separated. Many might describe him as a best friend. We have known them over 25 years from before they married. It has come as an awful shock, not least because of the sense of not knowing how to help, what to say. It came as a complete shock to him. I've spent a fair bit of time with him at this time, trying to share in his grief as much as I can.
Becky
A little troubled by the bombings. One of her colleagues was in the carriage next to one that blew up. He is traumatised buy what he saw as passengers were forced to walk through the carnage in order to evacuate. She describes the atmosphere in London as very strained.
Steve
Bored with his work. Needs a change. Wants and needs to move out from home and work towards buying somewhere!
Kristy
I always have difficulty writing about Kristy. Her life goes on week by week with a regular routine. She is a predictable element in our lives.
Sarah
Sarah is doing well considering. There is little hope now that she will ever get Charlie back. But she still hopes . . . . . . .
Her sparkle has gone over the past weeks. We now begin to understand just how many years she has been abused in differing ways and degrees, by family, individuals and the system. I have never before realised just how much Social Services abuse people. There is no sense of compassion. They behave in a detached "professional" (detached - clinical) manner which treats people as clients, worse still "cases".
Income
If Steve were to go, we could look to taking a second foster placement. That would resolve our financial situation. We'd miss him, but at 27 it is about time he finally flew the nest!
Work-wise, Penny's job comes to an end shortly and she is feeling the pressure. The doubts that she can find other employment. Fears over income shortage. All very real.
We have been month by month missing my Boiler Room income. I'm feeling pretty useless at the moment. I have no desire to work. That I sense is brought on mainly by my having been almost completely destroyed by teaching. It is beginning to sink in just how hard I used to work. Just how demoralising that was. Even questioning the value of all those thousands of hours in the greater scheme of things!
I have three weeks work in August which will help a bit. I have an interview for a museum guide job. It's part time - could be quite interesting. I've also applied for a Board member post within the Probation service - possibly out of my league but we'll see. Again its part-time.
Work is obviously an imminent issue. If I take on any form of regular employment, however part-time, it will put a stop to travelling other than very occasionally.
Travel
Off to Ireland first week of August. Taking two friends. Not sure yet what the feel of the trip will be. Billed as refreshment rather than intercession. Hope to visit a few historic sites - monasteries and the like.
Expenses
Penny's car is pretty well dead and off the road. Uneconomic to repair.
The People carrier has had air-con issues. Just the time of year to give up. Expensive.
Oh and now the exhaust has just blown.
The fridge has died - 18 months old - new compressor needed.
Boiler Room
The issues still linger on.
It has been painful this past week or so, seeing so many parallels with our friends separation -
differences in perception of reality / events,
misunderstandings of things said and not said; things implied and inferred;
wrong assumptions;
half-truths;
exaggerations;
leaving issues until its really too late to go back, rather than nipping in the bud;
shock; gutted-ness;
reaction; counter-reaction;
intransigence;
So difficult to know how to go back without stirring everything up again;
No-one can have intentionally set out to hurt anyone else, the whole team were top-notch, but the enemy is sneaky.
Parliamentary prayer breakfast 12/7
I was so privileged to be invited to the recent annual Parliamentary prayer breakfast in the Great Hall in Westminster.
I was expecting something very formal and almost unreal but was pleasantly surprised.
There were about 500 people there including a number of M P's and Peers
I was struck, as the day went on, just how in a very short time the event changed my thinking and attitude toward the government and authority in the nation. Coming from a very ordinary lower middle-class background, it was odd to be sitting with so many "double-barrelled surnames", with both a Lord and a Lady opposite me! I was conscious of those around me asking "and what does one do?" and thinking "well not an awful lot actually, one is just this bloke from Reading!".
This may sound very odd, but, I don't know whether people realise that my middle name is Phillip. As a child it was often remarked that I was M P Peirce or Peirce - M. P. Just one of those funny things. I never took it to be prophetic, as in thinking of politics as a calling, I mean to say "M. P. Peirce M. P." would be quite a mouthful! However I kept hearing the expression "M Ps and Peers", which of course began to sound like my name being called out! So unsurprisingly I felt God was saying, "Malc, I'm 'calling you' to pray for M Ps and Peers".
How that looks, I haven't got a clue!
One of the things that was said was that the whole landscape of politics is changing and that as Christians we should renew our faith in the elected members as ordinary people trying to do a difficult job to the best of their ability. The aim is eventually to have prayer cover for every M P.
